Support is a tricky thing to navigate sometimes. Is it easy for you to ask for it? Are you able to accept it? Or do you consistently reject it, preferring to do it all yourself? There can be practical reasons for doing any of these in any given situation. I’m more interested in the patterns – what do you USUALLY do when the task is a little bigger than one person (you) can easily handle?
Feel the Love
One of my very favorite people is fiercely independent. She would rather do things herself – probably for a variety of reasons. And she is typically uncomfortable being the center of attention. The last two years have been really hard and she’s taken on responsibilities she never expected. She recently had a significant birthday. I was surprised and very happy when she told me how the birthday went for her.
She and a small group of friends went out to brunch. There were birthday tiaras and other silly items. My friend not only consented to wear what they brought, she actually allowed all the attention and accepted the love they brought to her and the occasion. When I talked with her later, she told me that she just decided to enjoy it. Knowing her journey, I also think she finally feels like she is worthy of positive attention and love. That is a BIG deal.
In Times of Crisis
We had hurricane Ivalia here last week. You can see all the various ways people accept or reject help during a crisis like that. Some people work independently to secure their property, some communities work in groups. I was fortunate that my neighborhood didn’t receive much damage, but areas very close to me were severely impacted by storm surge.
Many homes and businesses were flooded. I was so touched by the number of people who contacted me to make sure I was okay. I had a whole emotional support team reaching out if I’d needed it. And offers for physical safety if I’d needed it (for me AND my cat!) It was truly lovely.
What’s Your Pattern?
I have seen many people struggle with support – the lack of it, the inability to ask for or accept it, the guilt of needing it. And yet, we are all parts of a larger system. It’s comforting to know that we have support systems when we need them. It’s a basic human need to know we are part of something bigger.
Sometimes the lines get blurred between dependent, codependent, independent and interdependent. I go into this in more detail in my book Your4Truths: How Beliefs Impact Your Life, but my preference is always interdependence. Being able to provide and accept support as situations change seems like the most balanced place to be. But that can be met with resistance from your subconscious. Maybe your self-worth doesn’t let you feel like you deserve the support. Maybe you feel like you ought to be able to do everything yourself – either because it’s not safe to admit you need help or because you don’t trust that other people will do it “right”.
So how about you? Are you comfortable asking for help? Are you able to accept it when offered? Or is your pattern more likely to be rejecting support even when it would be helpful? Would you like to change that? I can help. Book a session here.
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