Authentic Relationships – Where Do You Start?

I’ve been noticing a lot of posts and articles recently about authenticity. Mostly these are related to how you show up in your business. But it’s my opinion that people generally show up in similar ways across all aspects of their life. By this I mean that if you tend to act like you think people expect in your business, you are probably doing the same in your personal relationships as well. These “people” you act like are probably very different, because you’re playing to different audiences with different expectations. Where do you start, to create relationships with your authentic self?

Where did that come from?

People want to belong, to be accepted. It’s a basic human need. If they aren’t confident about their value, they adopt behaviors and demeanors that they think will be more compelling to those they are in relationship with. Because of this, when I’m working with people trying to create or change a relationship, I always suggest we start with their relationship with themselves. Until we are honestly appreciative of who we are, it’s difficult to let others see us and risk rejection or disapproval.

What next?

Once you know that you ARE enough and are happy with yourself, it’s easier to show up authentically with others. It lets you attract the people that appreciate the real you and let go of those who don’t. Trying to be someone else can be exhausting! Think of all the other ways you could be using that energy.

Clues to look for

How do you know if your subconscious believes that you are not enough? The main thing to look for are patterns – an occasional instance isn’t probably an indication of a limiting belief. Here are some clues I’ve seen:

• People pleasing behaviors. Do you look for ways to make all the people around you happy but neglect to think about what YOU would like to do?
• Weak boundaries. How well do you establish boundaries for yourself and enforce them? This includes valuing your own priorities. If you find your priorities always end up at the bottom of the list, that’s a clue.
• Deflection of compliments. When someone compliments something about you, does it make you uncomfortable? Do you minimize what was complimented?
• Discomfort with praise. When someone congratulates you on a job well done, do you attribute the success to “the team” or to luck? Are you able to tell people what your strengths are or something you are proud of that you’ve done?
• General shame, guilt, indecision. Sometimes my clients experience these emotions in an ongoing way. They don’t even know why, it’s just a chronic state for them.

The real you – everywhere!

The people I know that show up as their authentic self in personal relationships do the same in professional relationships. They don’t try to be someone else. They attract business connections and clients that are the right match for them. They get to use their energy in productive ways and are inspired by their business. If you want to experience that feeling of flow in your life, let’s talk! You can schedule a call here.