Show me the money!

“Show me the money!” That is sometimes what clients of mine want to happen – for boatloads of money to suddenly appear. I usually respond with two categories of questions. What does that money represent to you and what do you really believe about money?

 

What does money represent to you?

Sometimes people are convinced that a certain amount of money will solve all their problems. What I have observed is that when people achieve that level of income, they don’t feel better. They assume the amount wasn’t high enough, and they up the dollar goal. This cycle can go on indefinitely because it’s not actually the money that they want – it’s the feeling they will get from having the money. I encourage them to explore why money feels important to them.

 

The real why

Eventually, they break it down into something more meaningful. (Because let’s face it – the number of digits in your bank account doesn’t in and of itself really have much of an impact on people!) Sometimes it’s being able to choose how to spend their time (aka financial freedom). Other times it’s because they want to be able to buy certain things. They may want to ensure that certain things can be paid for, like college tuition for children. Or they may want to feel secure that they will be comfortable when they get older. Occasionally someone has a big legacy or philanthropic dream. Getting to the real reason they want the money helps us figure out what beliefs they need to have in order to get those feelings.

 

The real solution

Sometimes it actually will require some financial inflow, but sometimes they are surprised to discover that the real reason doesn’t have much to do with money – it’s something else entirely. Like wanting to feel like they are a good provider, or feeling like they are as good as the Joneses that they are trying to keep up with. Sometimes people with more than enough money have a scarcity mindset that keeps them from ever feeling like they have enough.

 

Complicated relationships with money

The other category of response I mentioned has to do with beliefs about money. Most people I know grew up in households where there were conflicting messages. On one hand, we frequently measure success in terms of income. On the other hand, we get many mixed messages. It’s the root of all evil perhaps. Or maybe it’s not okay to have more than we need. In some families, we get the message that you need to work really hard for it and it doesn’t grow on trees. In other families, the message is that you don’t want to be like “those people” who are wealthy because they aren’t (fill in the blank) enough. I once knew someone who constantly complained about her lack of money, but she also consistently bad-mouthed people who had it. Her subconscious beliefs were never going to let her have more because she thought people with money were bad.

 

Test yourself

Here’s a little exercise to try with yourself. Pay attention the next few times someone cuts in front of you in traffic. Is your reaction the same regardless of the type of car that cut in? or do you assume the person in the really expensive car felt entitled? And maybe you have a different reaction if the vehicle is like yours? Those subconscious beliefs can cause you to make up all sorts of stories about people based on the appearance of wealth.

 

Need a little help?

If this blog brought up some emotions or beliefs or patterns that you want to change, you can always book a session here. I’m happy to help!