The first thing people usually think of when they hear the word “grief” is a death of some sort – a person or perhaps a pet. And certainly, grieving accompanies those losses. It can also occur with other types of loss as well:
• Relationships
• Jobs
• Homes
• Community
Pretty much anything that comes to an end could result in grief. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed a theory about loss that identified five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). In the article Mourning and the 5 Stages of Grief written for PsychCentral, Sandra Silva Sacabianca explores additional ways of identifying emotions and stages that people experience during grief.
There is no normal
It’s always helpful to know that there is no one way to grieve and no “normal” endpoint. Each of us is different, and so we can expect to experience emotions and events differently. I’ve noticed with myself that there can be additional reactions that people don’t like to admit.
Emotions I don’t like to share
When death is expected, I sometimes find myself feeling relief when the wait is over. Certainly, sadness and all the other emotions are there too. But there is also a part of me that is glad that the wait is over, when the journey has become too painful for those on it. Sometimes I feel guilty for thinking about some of the good differences that I’ll see. If I’ve been spending significant time or energy on that journey, I may start planning what life will feel like without that in my schedule or space. Then I yo-yo between sadness and anticipation of opportunity and potential.
Who am I now?
Sometimes a loss can impact your sense of identity. I have always considered one of my identities to be related to whatever career I was in at the time. No longer being that person can be disorienting. How do you introduce yourself without talking about what you do?
Another example of loss of identity is when a relationship has ended. I‘ve been divorced twice, and it’s strange going from being part of a couple to being single. You don’t make the same kinds of plans with some of the people you used to see. So even when you are certain the split was in everyone’s best interest, you can grieve that identity that’s been lost.
When people lose some of their abilities, they and their family members surely grieve over that loss, even while they figure out new ways to make everything work.
You don’t have to go it alone
Many times, once a new pattern is established, the grief recedes. It may not ever go away, but it’s not controlling your life. Other times, extra help may be useful. There are grief coaches and therapists who specialize in helping people through these difficult times. They can be invaluable helping you gain perspective and establish behaviors and strategies that will support you.
Additionally, there can be subconscious beliefs that can keep you immobilized or unable to choose how to respond to events in your life. I am not a coach or a therapist. I am not licensed or credentialed. (PSYCH-K® doesn’t have programs that do that.) However, I have helped many people transform difficult emotions into peace. Loss is no exception. If you find your identity being defined by your loss, that might be an indication that additional support would be helpful.
Schedule a call if you want to know more. I’d be happy to talk with you about how I may be able to help.
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