Do you have a hard time saying no?

I’ve been doing something unusual for me for the past week: saying no. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve cheerfully said no to lots of things in my life. In my experience, it gets easier as you go along. But in the past week, I’ve said no to many things that I typically enjoy doing or that will get me closer to a goal of mine. What’s up with that?

What? Skip a party?

Last week I went to Richmond for a high school reunion. I always look forward to catching up with schoolmates every five years, and this year was no exception. The format is a cocktail party Friday evening, and then a lunch and a dinner on Saturday. I’d accepted for all three events. I can’t remember ever not showing up to something I’d accepted an invitation to. But for some reason, the closer the time came for me to get ready for the cocktail party, the less I wanted to go.

I finally chose not to go. I wasn’t going to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy the conversations. (I did go to the other two events and had a great time talking with people.) This was odd for me – especially missing a party! – but I chalked it up to enjoying being back in my hometown, having the opportunity to see family and other friends, and just the overload of traveling for the first time since the pandemic. Not something I expected, but I didn’t think too much about it.

Adjusting priorities

I came home very late Tuesday and was glad I’d blocked off the following day to allow time to sleep a little later and get unpacked and caught up on emails, etc. I enjoyed my “day off” and was ready to get back on schedule, except on Thursday morning I thought about a great networking group I usually go to and just wasn’t feeling like doing that either. So I didn’t. The only appointment I had for the week was on Friday, and when I woke up, I saw that this had been canceled.

I was really feeling the need to claim my own space. I’ve had workmen coming in and out of my house since early August, and I have been consistently adjusting my schedule to keep progress going on the renovations in my house. We’re down to painting now, and I really want to get this done so everything can move back into its proper place.

But on Friday, it felt even more important to me to be able to not have the distraction of other people coming and going – I wanted to be able to focus on some things that were really important to me and that required my full attention. And I just needed my own time and space. I called the painter and asked him not to come that day. I notified a couple of other groups I enjoy that I wouldn’t be there. And I gave myself the gift of a whole day to do what I needed to do without interruptions or distractions.

Sometimes time and space are more important

Saying no to all those things gave me the space I needed that day. Don’t get me wrong – I would not have canceled a client appointment or other event where people were depending on me to show up. But I listened to myself and paid attention to what I needed. I said no to all those things that I normally am happy to do. And it was wonderful! I didn’t watch the clock or wait for the inevitable interruptions or delay tasks because of a limited amount of time between scheduled events. Instead, I focused on the priority for me that day. And at the end of the day, I knew I’d made the best decision for me.

I’m here to help!

When’s the last time you prioritized yourself and your needs like that? Do you ever even listen to what you really need at the moment? Maybe it’s time to start. If the idea of that feels daunting, you may have some barriers that are keeping you from valuing your intuition or emotions enough to adjust your plans to accommodate what you really need to do. If you’d like to change that, I can help! Schedule a call or a session here, and let’s see if we can help you feel better about saying no.