Holiday Gift Giving?

Are you out there looking for the perfect holiday gifts to give? We are in a season where relationships are highlighted. Whether you enjoy a multitude of loving relationships or not, whether you will have people to gather with over the holidays are not, you always have yourself. And your relationship with yourself sets the tone for how you experience your life.

 

What do you focus on?

How much compassion do you show yourself on a daily basis? During the course of the day do you tell yourself how well you did something? Do you look at stumbles and misses as new lessons you’ve learned? Or do you berate yourself for all the things that didn’t go well?

 

Are you a victim of emotional abuse or neglect?

If you could record your behavior and conversations with yourself, and then have that become a book or a movie that had you and yourself as different characters, how would you describe that relationship? Would it be loving and supportive or look like abuse and neglect?

 

What advice would you be giving to the “receiving” character? Is it constructive?

I have a friend who is extremely good at giving solicited advice to others. Some of her friends have gotten themselves into some tough situations. When she shares with me her advice to them, it is always insightful, constructive, and practical. But we always have to laugh when she gets herself into a challenge because she doesn’t seem to be able to access that wisdom to apply to herself. When I ask her “What would you tell someone else if they were experiencing this?”, she laughs and agrees this is what she needs to do – reframe the situation to be more objective.

If your advice is generally sound, can you look at your relationship with yourself and see ways to improve the dynamics? Think of what a relief it would be to appreciate yourself, to notice all the wonderful unique things you have to offer and all the things you do well each day.

 

Holiday gift for yourself

In this holiday season of giving, I am challenging you to find at least one meaningful thing you can give yourself. If your life feels hectic, give yourself the gift of time – maybe a specific amount of time for just you. If you are feeling exhausted, maybe your gift would be some way to restore your energy. You get the gist – identify the most meaningful thing you can do and give it to yourself.

 

Can’t Think of Anything?

If you are stumped, try reading my book Your4Truths: How Beliefs Impact Your Life. It may give you some insights into what it looks like to know you are lovable and, if that doesn’t seem like it is true for you at the moment, what you might want to focus on to change that. Here are some questions from the book to consider:

1. Do you have a pattern of unhealthy relationships? Look at the common attributes of these and think about what those could mean, related to your beliefs about yourself.
2. Do you have difficulty identifying the emotions you are feeling? Can you express your emotions to others?
3. Can you calmly initiate difficult conversations with others? Or do you keep the problems to yourself and build resentment?
4. What do you do to take care of your own physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs? Is it enough?
5. How well do you set boundaries? Are you able to honor and communicate these effectively to others?

 

I hope you find the perfect holiday gift for yourself, and that part of it is to see yourself in a more loving way. That will be the gift that keeps on giving.